into the mind of joan

I've been reading a lot of blogs that have been very personal and intraspective lately and  this has caused me to reflect a little bit about myself.  Here are a few things about myself that few people know:

1. I go through scenarios in my mind all the time about what I would do in certain situations and they can get very violent and graphic.  It's usually if someone threatens me or my kids what I would do and how I would kill my attacker.  Sick, right?  Well, at least I'm somewhat prepared if I'm ever in a situation like that.  NO ONE messes with mama bear's cubs.

2.  I have only a hand full of people I call friends.  I am a very loyal friend and would do just about anything for the people in this category.  I also take a fairly long time to make friends.  It's just not that easy for me.  In fact, I don't think I made a single real friend in college, which was really hard on me because I was away from home and all alone.  This was the hardest time in my life.

3.  I secretly love cheesy romantic comedies.  If you ask me to go to one I will go, but 'reluctantly', and then grumble about it the whole time.  If you ask me about this post later, I will deny I ever wrote this.

4.  I have a hard time forming opinions because I am able to see both sides of an argument.  And there always seems to be an exception to every rule.  Maybe this makes me wishy-washy, but maybe it just makes me tolerant of others and excepting of everyone no matter what their opinions are.  I try not to judge others, although I catch myself from time to time.  And even if I catch myself thinking judging thoughts, I really try not to voice them.  Hence, the no opinion thing.

5.  I think I must be a little OCD.  I never seem to be able to do anything unless I have a tidy work space.  If there's something out of place, I first have to straighten up before doing anything else.  It just makes me feel like there's chaos inside myself, if there's chaos outside myself. 

That's all for now...I need to save a little mystery.